HAVE YOU MET THE THIRD PERSON IN THE ROOM?
Many relationship coaches will tell you that when they work with a couple, they are often aware that there is a third person in the room. What does that mean? The longer two people remain in a relationship, the more this third person develops a unique character all of its own.
Seasoned relationship coaches will also tell you that the things that a new couple initially find cute and intriguing and exciting about each other are the very things that later on could become the things that irritate them about their partner.
The reason for this? Many men are protectors at heart; they find it endearing when they spot some area of vulnerability that they can come to the rescue for. Of course it’s also very nice for a woman to be feeling cared for and understood. The problem surfaces when everyday existence dilutes this part of the initial chemistry, way beyond the honeymoon stage. For example, that thing that your man used to do for you all the time when you seemed unable, when other pressures like children or job losses or financial difficulty sets in, becomes the very thing that they start resenting. You will start hearing things said like ‘Why do I always have to do this? Why can’t you do this for yourself?’, etc. Here we are talking about simple everyday tasks like putting out the bins or vacuuming up after the kids, or doing the school run. You can probably find some examples of where you have done the same.
You see, once two people start co-existing, their combined personalities allow for some strengths, but it obviously also leaves some huge gaps. If you were a well-functioning business, you could employ staff to plug the holes, but as a couple, one of you has to step up to the mark and take care of things that don’t necessarily come naturally to you. Once you start doing that a few times, this becomes part of the routine and it becomes an expectation that you’d be doing that. Any man or woman who starts feeling like they are being taken for granted will eventually start feeling resentful. And like most of us, these little weeds of discontent will just brew below the surface until a day when the pressure is up on all sides and guess what gets raised? That very thing!
You’d be surprised to hear it, but we can actually predict what kind of issues you are likely to have with what types of personalities. Taking this knowledge into consideration, you can then look for a partner with whom you are likely to have the least amount of frictions and disagreements, or if you already have your eyes set on someone specific, being aware of your differences/similarities can help you to steer the ship of your relationship away from any significant clashes.
We are big believers that forewarned is forearmed! We may not be suggesting to you not to enter into certain types of relationships, but the very fact that you are already aware of what you may encounter in any given relationship already places you in a great position to counter the possibly devastating effects of these small molehills before they become mountains. On the other hand, being forewarned might be just what you need to decide for yourself that this kind of dynamic is not going to be for you, not now or in the future, and then to walk away from it.
No one sets out in a relationship planning for it to break up or end in divorce. However, the statistics show that one in every two marriages in the US ends up in a divorce. You literally have a 50/50 chance to make it or break it in love, and we want to make sure that your odds fall into the ‘happy’ side of the statistics!
May we offer you the opportunity to start a process of understanding yourself well enough to know what you’d rather have in a man than not? Fill in our super easy free questionnaire by clicking on the link below. It will take you as little as 4 minutes and we will send you a dating style report, specific to you, for free.